Not that bad... for now
New Years was actually better than what I expected.
I got to hang out with a few old friends, laugh a lot and even call someone pretending I was a Dial-Sex employee. But it was a gay one...
Anyways...
I feel weird tonight. It seems that I try to push away everything that is good to me. Even though I don't want to. Can't really explain. I miss many things, many companions, many places... But I just miss them, I don't seem to have the courage to chase them again, to be with them again. It seems that all the energy I had saved in my body is now fading away. I don't feel like doing anything or even meeting new people which was the best thing for me in the past.
I do want to travel, but I guess that's just one more excuse to stay away and avoid the problems in my life.
I'm a coward. I keep running away from everything that would make me happy. I just sit and play all day instead of going out as I used to and having fun with my friends. In fact, do I still have friends? I have the feeling they found better companions and they are following the course of their lives. Maybe into happiness, maybe not. But they are sure doing something that will make them feel better. Me? What am I doing? Waiting for a divine intevention to fall off the sky and hit me in the head saying: CONGRATULATIONS! You have been chosen for this task! - and I will simply bow and say Oh my God! That's what I was waiting for!!!
I should just stop writting. For good.
Till next time...
I got to hang out with a few old friends, laugh a lot and even call someone pretending I was a Dial-Sex employee. But it was a gay one...
Anyways...
I feel weird tonight. It seems that I try to push away everything that is good to me. Even though I don't want to. Can't really explain. I miss many things, many companions, many places... But I just miss them, I don't seem to have the courage to chase them again, to be with them again. It seems that all the energy I had saved in my body is now fading away. I don't feel like doing anything or even meeting new people which was the best thing for me in the past.
I do want to travel, but I guess that's just one more excuse to stay away and avoid the problems in my life.
I'm a coward. I keep running away from everything that would make me happy. I just sit and play all day instead of going out as I used to and having fun with my friends. In fact, do I still have friends? I have the feeling they found better companions and they are following the course of their lives. Maybe into happiness, maybe not. But they are sure doing something that will make them feel better. Me? What am I doing? Waiting for a divine intevention to fall off the sky and hit me in the head saying: CONGRATULATIONS! You have been chosen for this task! - and I will simply bow and say Oh my God! That's what I was waiting for!!!
I should just stop writting. For good.
Till next time...